


I’m Not Going Anywhere

by SaintOfLosAngeles



Category: Mötley Crüe, The Dirt (2019)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 15:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18972757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaintOfLosAngeles/pseuds/SaintOfLosAngeles
Summary: Tommy is hopelessly in love with Nikki. Nikki is hopelessly in love with Tommy. Nikki tries to forget by using girls, Tommy tries to forget using alcohol.Who could have ever guessed that one night behind a dumpster, covered in vomit could lead to the best thing that ever happened to them?





	I’m Not Going Anywhere

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Hello. How are ya? So I suck at summaries, and suck even more at titles, but I’m actually not horrified by the existence of this fic, which is saying something considering this is the first thing I’ve written in a solid 8 years. I’m still unbelievably nervous to post this, and I hope this doesn’t completely suck, because I’d love to write more for these two. I’ve been in the Terror Twins dumpster for so long now, it feels good to finally write about them. Happy reading, I guess! :)

It was the best show they had ever played.

Of course, to the Motley boys, every show they played was the best one to date. Each show they played, the crowd got bigger, the cheers got louder, the adrenaline got higher. They were living every kid’s dream. They had everything anyone their age could ever want. Unlimited supplies of drugs, alcohol, women and money, and almost no consequences for their foolish actions. Tommy loved this life, there was no doubting that. But he would give it all up, throw it all away for one thing. One thing that he could never have. One thing that in some ways, he has every day, but it's not enough. It’s never enough.

That thing, was the beautiful raven haired bassist that infiltrated Tommy’s brain every second of everyday.

Nikki was Tommy’s kryptonite. The second he met the bassist he knew that he was going to be a huge part of Tommy’s life. They were destined to achieve their dreams together, Tommy knew it. He could have never guessed however, that just a few years later, Nikki would be the very reason he breathes. He would have never guessed that he would die happily if it meant sparing Nikki any pain.

Tommy lived to see Nikki smile. The smile that got just a little bit brighter every time Tommy cracked a joke, or wrapped his arm around the bassist in a hug. Sometimes he looked at Tommy like he was the only thing that mattered in the world, and if Tommy knew any better he’d say that maybe Nikki lived to see him smile too.

But Tommy knew better.

Tommy jumped as he was pulled out of his thoughts by two strong arms wrapping around his shoulders from behind him, where he sat on the barstool nursing his drink. Once he got over his initial shock, a smile spread over Tommy’s face. He would know those arms anywhere.

“Tommy! There you are man, I've been looking for you!” Nikki flashed him that million dollar smile that could stop Tommy’s heart if it wanted to. If only Nikki knew. “I barely got a chance to see you after the show dude, you kicked some serious fucking ass tonight!”

Tommy felt a swell of pride in his chest hearing Nikki’s words. Nikki’s approval meant more than any critic’s ever could. 

Tommy bowed his head a little, attempting to hide the blush that was creeping onto his cheeks behind his long curls. “Thanks Nik, don't think I didn’t see you killing it out there dude, I was watching you the whole time. You fucking rocked, man.”

Shit, maybe that wasn’t the right thing to say. It was true though. There was something so exhilarating about watching Nikki play. He puts his whole body, mind and soul into every performance. Watching his hips sway, and his smile shine made Tommy want to ramp up his performance every time. He wanted to match that energy.

Nikki tilted his head slightly as he looked at Tommy, as if he were deeply contemplating Tommy’s words. Tommy couldn’t make out the look in Nikki’s eyes. It was a look he had seen many times before but he just couldn’t pinpoint it. It was a look that most people would consider to be happy, but it was laced with a certain sadness that went unnoticed to everyone else in the world but Tommy.

Nikki opened his mouth to respond, but was quickly cut off by an extremely drunk, half naked blonde chick draping herself over him.

“Oh my god! You’re Nikki Sixx!” Tommy could have rolled his eyes right then. He tried to restrain himself but these girls were ridiculous. He couldn’t even count how many times he has heard that exact line, and every time, they sweep Nikki right away from him. 

“I was at your show, you were soooo great tonight! Did you see me? I was in the front row-.”

Tommy stood up to leave. He could never watch this. He knew the deal, how it always happened. This girl would be all over Nik the rest of the night until it's time to go back to the hotel and they’d disappear inside Nikki’s room together, then she’d leave an hour or two later. That’s if this one doesn’t decide to drag him in the bathroom beforehand. It made him sick to his stomach to watch this random chick get the part of Nikki that he had always wanted with little to no effort.

“Tom-.” Nikki started to say, and Tommy's heart lurched with a bit of hope. Did he not want him to leave? Maybe he’d ditch the chick and hang with Tommy tonight. 

But then it was back. That same, sad, unidentifiable look in his eyes and Tommy knew, he was definitely leaving with the chick.

“I’ll see you later man.” Tommy managed to croak out before he set off to the other end of the bar. He tried so hard to keep the crack out of his voice and the tears behind his eyes. Nikki had his whole heart. Tommy didn’t even know how he still had a heart. It seemed to get bludgeoned to death every time he sees Nikki leave with one of those groupies.

Not one of those girls knew how Nikki had nightmares at night, how he woke up sweating and crying and would knock on Tommy’s door in the early hours of the morning, showing a vulnerability he showed to no one else on Earth. These girls didn’t hold Nikki while he cried, wanting nothing more than to kiss every tear away. All while holding their own tears at bay for the sake of being Nikki’s strength. They didn’t feel the warmth that Tommy felt in his gut when Nikki thanked him in the morning, wrapping his arms around him and whispering in his ear that he was his best friend. 

These girls saw one thing in Nikki. They saw the sexy rock star that they could brag to their friends about later. 

No, these girls knew nothing about the real Nikki Sixx. Yet they were the ones who got to kiss Nikki, run their hands over his broad chest and take the one part of Nikki that Tommy had always wanted.

In what universe is that fair?

God, he needed a drink.

——

This chick was one of the more annoying ones that Nikki had entertained. Her voice was so high it sounded fake and she giggled at every word Nikki said. Nikki had hoped the more they drank, the less annoying she would get but it didn’t seem to be working. 

At the same time, Nikki knew that no amount of alcohol could turn this girl into what he wanted her to be. He liked the quiet ones better. With the quiet ones he could close his eyes and pretend.

Nikki hadn’t seen any sign of the drummer in two hours and 15 minutes (not that Nikki was counting), and every minute that ticked by Nikki grew increasingly anxious.Tommy was a big boy, he could take care of himself, but there would always be a part of Nikki that wants to do it for him. 

Tommy was still young. He hated being babied and coddled, he insisted he was a grown man and didn’t need to be looked after, and Nikki knew that this was true. He also knew, however, that he couldn’t live this life or any life without the drummer. He loved him to the very depths of his soul. So his mission in life was simple, protect Tommy at all costs (without seeming too obvious, of course).

When Nikki thinks back on his life, he can honestly say that no one has ever shown the interest in him that Tommy had. No one cared to learn about his fears, his dreams, or the dark thoughts constantly swimming in his fucked up head. Nikki still wasn’t sure he even deserved to share the same air as the man. Now that the band was gaining popularity, he was constantly surrounded by people. But if Tommy wasn’t one of those people, Nikki was still crushed under an overwhelming wave of loneliness. 

Nikki knew that these intense feelings were more than friendship. He has no idea when it happened, but one day he just realized that there was no part of Tommy that he DIDN'T want. He wanted him there, all the time, for every accomplishment and every failure. He wanted to look into those beautiful brown orbs while he falls asleep at night. He wants to see them when he wakes in the morning. He wants to tangle his hands in those silky curls and lose himself to Tommy’s lips. No amount of alcohol, drugs, or casual sex could satisfy this longing Nikki had for his best friend, he had tried for so long now.

Nikki had no idea what would happen if his secret ever got out to Tommy. Tommy wasn’t gay, there’s no way he’d be comfortable with being in a band with a man that was irreversibly in love with him. As much as it hurt Nikki keeping this secret, the only thing more painful was the thought of losing Tommy forever, even if it was just his friendship.

Nikki’s eyes scanned the bar for what felt like the millionth time. No Tommy. Did he go back to the hotel? That was unusual for Tommy to leave the party so early. He was always the last one out, usually kicked out by the bartender and security. Nikki smiled slightly at the thought. The boy was crazy, but his zest for life was unlike any other.

As his eyes continued their search for Tommy, he noticed his singer’s mop of blonde hair in the corner, downing a shot of Jack with a girl on each arm.

“Nikki, can we please go back to the hotel soon? I’m bored.” Nikki looked down at the blonde girl who was currently playing with the hem of his T-shirt, manicured nails slipping underneath to stroke the skin of his hip. 

That was the last thing in the world Nikki wanted to do at the moment, with Tommy still swimming through his thoughts. “Yeah, I gotta go talk to Vince for a second, stay here”. Nikki walked away without sparing the girl a second glance, he could hear her protests in the background. 

“Nikki! What’s up brother? Want a shot?” Vince handed Nikki a shot glass of amber colored liquid, not waiting for a response. “Me and the ladies here were thinking about moving this party back to-.”

“Have you seen T-bone?” Nikki interrupted suddenly. The anxiety ball in his stomach was growing every second that ticked by. 

“How did I know you were going to ask that?” Vince smirked. “I’m assuming you know what’s wrong with him? You always seem to know what’s going on with the kid.”

What’s wrong with him? What did he mean what was wrong with him? If something was wrong with Tommy, Nikki needed to be there with him. Yet here he was, talking to fucking Vince with this blonde haired groupie making puppy dog eyes behind him.

“Where the fuck is he?” Nikki demanded, a little harsher than he intended.

“Man, chill. I haven’t seen him in a couple hours. He looked like he had been crying though.” That anxiety ball just keeps growing and growing.Tommy crying was practically unheard of. “I asked him what was wrong and if he wanted to hang with me for the night, but he said he needed some alone time. He probably went back to the hotel already?”

“I’m just worried man.” Nikki sighed running his fingers through his dark hair. “He never goes back to the hotel without telling me first. Didn’t mean to snap at you dude.”

Vince smirked at Nikki, giving him a pat on the back. “It’s all good man, I know how the two of you are with each other.”

Nikki’ s lips turned up slightly at that.

“Hey man you wanna do me a huge favor?” Nikki asked before downing the shot Vince had handed him earlier. 

“I’m almost afraid to ask, Sixx.”

“Trust me you’ll like this favor. See that girl over there? I need to get rid of her. Wanna add another one to your escapades this evening?”

——-

Nikki stepped into the cold air of the ally, feeling tears burning behind his eyes. He refused to let them show, though. To this day, Tommy is the only person who has ever seen his tears. He leaned against the brick wall behind him and dug his cigarettes and lighter out of his pocket, desperately needing something to calm his nerves.

Tommy may claim he want left alone, but did he really? Nikki said that shit all the time when he was upset, but really he just wanted T-bone to come find him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. And Tommy always did, without fail. How could Nikki not do the same now? 

Nikki snuffed his half smoked cigarette against the brick wall, determined to go back to the hotel and find Tommy, when he heard a wet sniffle coming from farther inside the darkness of the alley. Nikki froze. Was that real, or did he just imagine that. No, there it was again.

Nikki took a few tentative steps forward, squinting to try to see better in the poor lighting the nearby street light was giving off. There, slumped on the other side of a dumpster, up against the brick wall was a shadowy figure. Had it been anyone else, Nikki would have never recognized them without getting closer, but he saw the long arms and he knew, he fucking knew. 

Shit, Tommy.

Nikki skidded to his knees beside Tommy, placing a palm on his cold, tear streaked cheek. “Tommy! Holy shit, what’s wrong? What are you doing? Are you hurt? It’s fucking freezing out here, dude!”

Nikki’s eyes burned harder taking in the sight before him. Tommy’s eyes were glazed over in a haze, an empty and broken bottle of Jack Daniels beside him, along with way too many baggies with slight remnants of the white powder they once contained. Nikki frowned harder when he noticed a second, half empty Jack Daniels bottle in the drummer’s hand. This was a lot, even for Nikki, and especially for Tommy. Nikki grimaced when he realized he was kneeling in vomit, but made no attempt to move. He was needed here. Tear stains trailed down Tommy’s face and onto his neck. Tommy’s hands shook and his knees bounced, body trying desperately to rid itself of the energy and anxiety that Nikki knew came from the coke.

“I’m fucked up, Nik. I’m so fucked up.” Tommy choked out before wrapping his arms around his knees, burying his head into his arms and breaking down into hiccuping sobs.

Nikki stared at Tommy in shock. This was definitely not the first time Tommy had gotten fucked up. They were Motley fucking Crue. They did drugs and they drank after concerts, it's what they did. But Tommy was never a sad drunk. The alcohol and drugs just made the already cheerful man even happier, even more affectionate and goofy. Always just an exaggerated form of what he already was. Never this. Something was seriously wrong.

Nikki shrugged his leather jacket off and draped it over the younger man, after realizing he was only wearing a T shirt.

“How long have you been out here, T-bone?”

Tommy didn’t answer, just gave a slight shrug of the shoulders as he pulled Nikki’s jacket tighter around him, burying his nose into it and choking out a sob into the leather.

Nikki bit his lip to hold back a sob, or a scream. Nikki honestly wasn’t sure which it was at this point. He knew the answer to his own question. Tommy had been out here crying and getting shitfaced drunk beside a dumpster while Nikki was getting felt up by some girl who’s name he never bothered to learn. Nikki didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for this.

With a grunt, Nikki scooted on his knees out of the vomit and sat on the ground with his back against the brick wall. He opened his arms and let out a gentle, “Come here, Tom.”

Tommy peaked up at Nikki through his messy hair that had managed to work its way in front of his face during his breakdown. He hesitated for a moment, before throwing himself into Nikki’s lap.

Nikki jumped slightly at the shock of just how fucking cold Tommy was. His jacket had fallen off of the drummer’s shoulders when he threw himself at Nikki, and Nikki didn’t have the heart to move him to get the jacket back. Tommy was clinging to him like a lifeline, his freezing nose buried in Nikki’s neck. 

Nikki held on as tight as his arms allowed him, rocking the drummer slightly in what he hoped was comforting to the man. Nikki didn’t really know how to do this, how to comfort someone. He had never had someone close enough to him that he felt the need to hold them while they cried. All he knew was he would do literally anything to stop the tears falling from Tommy’s eyes. 

“Why didn’t you come find me, Tommy? We could have went back to the hotel together.”

“You- you were with that girl..”

“FUCK that girl!” Nikki scolded himself for raising his voice when jumped slightly in his arms. “I don’t even know her fucking name Tommy! She’s in there making out with Vince now. I… It’s hard for me to get into my fucking feelings man, you know that, but shit, I've told you before, you’re my best fucking friend… I’m exactly where I need to be and where I should’ve been all along.”

Tommy pulled back to look Nikki in the eyes and Nikki felt his breath catch in his throat. Even with the tear stains, reddened eyes, and hair sticking to his face, he was so fucking beautiful. Nikki reached up to brush Tommy's hair out of his face and tuck it behind his ear. The second Nikki’s fingers touched Tommy’s face, Tommy closed his eyes and made a noise in the back of his throat that Nikki had never heard before, leaning his face into the touch.

Nikki opened his mouth to tell Tommy he wanted to take him back to the hotel now, get him warm, when Tommy fisted his hands in Nikki’s hair, pressing a desperate kiss to Nikki’s lips. Nikki couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t even fucking move. There was no way this beautiful boy was kissing him right now. Tommy’s lips felt exactly how they felt in every dream Nikki had about this moment, but this was real, and it was so much fucking better.

As quickly as the kiss started, it ended. Tommy jumped back like he had been burned, landing on his ass on the pavement and broken glass.

“Fuck, no. Nikki- I- I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so fucked up Nikki. Please, I didn’t mean to, please don’t leave- I don’t.. Nik, please-.” Tommy’s eyes were darting around, refusing to focus on anything, especially not Nikki.

Nikki stood up and walked closer to Tommy, closing the distance as Tommy tried to scoot away. He kneeled down once again and cupped Tommy’s face, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. The kiss was the most tender Nikki had ever experienced, nothing more than just a slight press of lip against lip. It lit a fire in Nikki that he knew he would never be able to extinguish.

“I’m not going anywhere, Tommy, except with you, back to hotel. Please baby? You’re so fucking cold.” Tommy looked up at Nikki, watery eyes focused on Nikki now, and only Nikki. “Anything could have happened to you in this fucking alley. I just want to get you to our home for the night, okay? We can talk there, or not, or whatever the fuck you want. I just want to get you somewhere safe.”

Tommy didn’t say anything, just continued to stare at Nikki. Finally, he gave the bassist a slight nod, and the brightest fucking smile Nikki thinks he had ever seen. Nikki’s heart soared. There was that smile that he lived for.

“Can you walk? Our driver should be out front.”

——

The ride back to the hotel didn’t go as smoothly as Nikki was hoping. The driver had to stop twice on the half hour drive to let Tommy puke out of the side of the car. The last time, Tommy’s throat was so irritated, blood tinged his vomit and it made Nikki cringe. He wished more than anything that their situations could be reversed.

But that didn’t matter now because finally, FINALLY, they had arrived at Nikki’s room. Nikki had to practically carry Tommy the whole way there. The drummers legs were wobbling, his head was spinning, and his throat was burning. Nikki sat Tommy down on the bed and grabbed a leftover bottle of water out of the mini fridge that he had stashed there that morning. Tommy accepted it gratefully.

Nikki quickly changed his own clothes into comfy ones, and ones that weren’t covered in his best friend’s vomit. Now that he got a closer look at Tommy, he realized the drummer also had vomit running down his shirt and onto his pants.

Nikki frowned, grabbing a clean T-shirt from his bag and throwing it at Tommy. Tommy just stared at it, his eyes fixed and glazed. Nikki rolled his eyes and smirked at the drummer. 

“Come on Tom, we gotta get these nasty clothes off of you before you get in my bed man.” Nikki pulled Tommy’s shirt over his head, slightly concerned when the younger man didn’t even react, just passively allowed Nikki to take his shirt off, put the clean one on him, and remove his shoes and pants, leaving the drummer in his underwear, sitting on the side of the bed. 

Nikki kneeled on the floor between the drummer’s legs, looking up at him while he sipped at his water.

“Are you okay, T-Bone?”

“Am I passed out? Is this real?” Tommy asked suddenly, eyes finally meeting Nikki’s. He sounded so unsure it made Nikki’s heart clench inside his chest. “I- Nik, I've loved you for so long, seeing you with those fucking girls- I… It fucking sucked Nikki and I drank so much- way too much, and-.. There’s no way this is real.”

Nikki leaned up and threaded his fingers behind Tommy’s neck, pressing yet another kiss to his lips. Tommy immediately groaned and pressed forward into the kiss, leaning forward until he joined Nikki on his knees on the floor. Nikki nipped at Tommy’s lower lip and felt a little jolt of satisfaction when he heard the drummer gasp.

He pulled back from the younger man’s lips way too soon. He could kiss Tommy forever. Nikki leaned forward, trying desperately to convey with his actions what he struggled sometimes to put into words.

He pressed a kiss to Tommy’s forehead (I love you too,Tommy).

A kiss to each cheek (You scared the shit out of me tonight).

A kiss to his jaw (You’ve given me a reason to live).

A kiss to each eyelid (I’d fucking die for you).

And finally, one final peck to the lips (I want this for the rest of my life).

“Does it feel real? Cause this is way better than any dream I’ve ever fucking had.”

Tommy’s watery eyes and wobbling smile said it all. Nikki could see all the love the drummer held for him right there, right on his face. His entire world suddenly made sense. This was what people live for, and die for. It’s what they write romance novels about and travel to the ends of the Earth searching for. This was what it felt like to love and be loved in return. 

Nikki stood up and turned the light out before laying down on the bed, opening his arms to Tommy. He felt the bed move under Tommy’s weight as he laid down and scooted closer to Nikki, resting his head on Nikki’s chest, comforted by the sound of the bassist’s steady heartbeat. Nikki turned his head to bury his nose in Tommy’s hair and smiled against the younger man's head as his hair tickled his nose. Nikki couldn’t help but think about all the times this situation was reversed, and he lay on Tommy’s chest, soaking in all the comfort the other man had to offer. No one had ever cared for him like that, and he was so glad to return the favor and help Tommy for once. “I don’t fucking deserve you, Tommy.”

Tommy was quiet for several moments, and Nikki started to think he had fallen asleep. “You deserve the world, Nikki.” Tommy mumbled against the bassist’s chest. “You can't fucking fool me. I know the real you, not the you that you show to everyone else. Yeah… You deserve the whole fucking world… and I'm going to give it to you the best I can.”

Nikki felt a tear trail down his cheek that he didn’t even feel coming on. He didn’t bother wiping it away before he asked: “Will you still feel that way in the morning?”

Tommy smiled slightly against Nikki’s chest, pressing a kiss where his lips met the pale skin. “I guess you’re going to have to stick around and find out.”

Yeah, Nikki wasn’t going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> I just exist for these two okay? They are absolutely perfect. Hope you guys somewhat enjoyed!!


End file.
